hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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