OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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