does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize