mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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