I cockslap morals
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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