just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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