were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
