We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
