dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
