We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
