Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
