you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
