I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
