first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
