You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
