That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
