Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
