Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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