He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
