After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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