Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
