end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
