are you still at the devil's house?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We need to rekindle our bromance
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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