It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
