he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When are your genitals available?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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