my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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