he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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