I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
