Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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