I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
