If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
