Is it because I queefed?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
