I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
