Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.

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  (775): A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins. http://tfl.nu/j7t3
  Replies (23) Good night (4707) Bad night (1121)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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  (701): I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America. http://tfl.nu/w2zj
  Replies (19) Good night (4287) Bad night (1285)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Nah, just masturbating louder

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  (239): Is it weird being in the house without any roommates? (813): Nah, just masturbating louder http://tfl.nu/cjwy
  Replies (7) Good night (5388) Bad night (1010)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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  (937): Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me. http://tfl.nu/l4zf
  Replies (4) Good night (5191) Bad night (860)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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  (219): So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers. http://tfl.nu/p4nm
  Replies (7) Good night (2426) Bad night (726)
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  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

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  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (10114) Bad night (1056)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (32) Good night (1824) Bad night (7544)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else

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  (785): Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else http://tfl.nu/imin
  Replies (8) Good night (2651) Bad night (1072)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.

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  (540): I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge. http://tfl.nu/mw98
  Replies (8) Good night (2576) Bad night (1126)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.

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  (443): Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers? (301): Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis. http://tfl.nu/hcxa
  Replies (4) Good night (734) Bad night (796)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap

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  (336): That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap http://tfl.nu/hjra
  Replies (3) Good night (240) Bad night (792)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening

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  (216): Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening http://tfl.nu/drvy
  Replies (4) Good night (452) Bad night (215)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."

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  (603): Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face." http://tfl.nu/jkkv
  Replies (0) Good night (263) Bad night (394)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.

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  (248): There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now. http://tfl.nu/xeuz
  Replies (2) Good night (238) Bad night (451)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.

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  (403): So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore. http://tfl.nu/754l
  Replies (7) Good night (343) Bad night (607)

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