very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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