Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?

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  (925) 2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you? http://tfl.nu/l1ls
  Replies (11) Good night (721) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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  (330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk http://tfl.nu/57qd
  Replies (7) Good night (1703) Bad night (1884)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes

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  (518): I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes http://tfl.nu/yql0
  Replies (18) Good night (2989) Bad night (773)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night

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  (808): drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night http://tfl.nu/q31t
  Replies (23) Good night (3665) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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  (352): I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green. http://tfl.nu/8k05
  Replies (4) Good night (3561) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (9222) Bad night (4086)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.

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  (703): You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's. http://tfl.nu/9isl
  Replies (16) Good night (1107) Bad night (3372)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?

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  (717): Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast? http://tfl.nu/62uv
  Replies (16) Good night (1641) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.

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  (620): I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin. http://tfl.nu/7pmc
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.

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  (250): My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single. http://tfl.nu/erf4
  Replies (3) Good night (1321) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here

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  (603): Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here http://tfl.nu/t56p
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  I'm so proud, I have tears

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  (330): I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out. (1-330): I'm so proud, I have tears http://tfl.nu/7h1f
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Did you at least offer to let him get it out??

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  (901): I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment. (662): Did you at least offer to let him get it out?? http://tfl.nu/gv0l
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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  (801): I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker. http://tfl.nu/s4wz
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...

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  (615): I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own... http://tfl.nu/6vth
  Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (231)

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