my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."