anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call