Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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  (313): I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me http://tfl.nu/x1tc
  Replies (8) Good night (1439) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

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  (248): I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose. http://tfl.nu/ckrs
  Replies (12) Good night (1217) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.

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  (209): Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy. http://tfl.nu/mqdd
  Replies (25) Good night (1895) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

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  (860): he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious. http://tfl.nu/rnvz
  Replies (50) Good night (1018) Bad night (11808)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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  (805): You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed. http://tfl.nu/chu6
  Replies (7) Good night (1741) Bad night (3557)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

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  (907): We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke. http://tfl.nu/z4fd
  Replies (19) Good night (6612) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.

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  (719): Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ctww
  Replies (3) Good night (1286) Bad night (1728)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over

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  (503): drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over http://tfl.nu/dlzy
  Replies (9) Good night (1344) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  8===D

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.

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  (412): 8===D (412): That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me. http://tfl.nu/yh0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1908) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Judging by this purple one they got to second base.

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  (520): They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up. (520): Judging by this purple one they got to second base. http://tfl.nu/efot
  Replies (3) Good night (913) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~

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  (504): Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~ http://tfl.nu/nmyu
  Replies (5) Good night (345) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"

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  (860): We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?" http://tfl.nu/8tlk
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia

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  (972): On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia http://tfl.nu/s5pu
  Replies (6) Good night (232) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too

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  (763): It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too http://tfl.nu/uw41
  Replies (1) Good night (836) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car

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  (469): I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car http://tfl.nu/2mv3
  Replies (2) Good night (250) Bad night (598)

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