Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its like you know when i get waxed