A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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