so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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