When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
