I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
