Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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