Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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