You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
