this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
