i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
