they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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