Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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