I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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