So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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