Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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