just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
