So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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