We tried having a conversation with our noses.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
