Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
