i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
