Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Found the puke drawer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
