Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
