you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
