Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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