Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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