Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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